I feel like I've been emotionally flat-lining. I have blips on the monitor now and then, and my God they hurt, but alot of the time I feel, well, a bit numb.
I created this blog a little while ago, with the vision of it being fairly shallow; positive and not at all cathartic and ... spewy.
I had wanted to make a blog for a while. But I draaagged it out (I do that) and had been leaving it until I would be able to make it justright. I do that, too.
But now I'm thinking, after my small freaking epiphany, courtesy of Sera Gamble, that maybe this is just what i need. Maybe I need to be honest with myself, Shut Up on the inside (because I really don't talk a whole lot on the outside. I'm very dull.) and take a look at what's really going on here. I'm confused, and I'm scared.
I've never been one to get kinda soppy like this, not 'out loud'. Rarely, anyway. But I'm doing it now, and I surely hope you don't mind. Hell, I hope you would stick around. I desperately want someone to listen. And I'm hoping I've got the guts to hit Publish Post.
Sera Gamble, thank you.
I have never breathed in words like I just did yours. I've never related so much to something like that.
I found a link to the Very Hot Jews blog via the fabulous Television Without Pity's forums. I am so glad I did. Not to get mushy here, cause really I think I've exhausted my supply for the next few weeks, at least, but I believe Sera's words just gave me a little bit of hope.
I think I'm finally realising that I need to cut the uncertainty and go with the flow a bit. Not Knowing (to use Sera's words) is all part of the game of life, right? And part of me knows its alot to do with the beauty of life. Things don't go to plan, but you often end up somewhere brilliant if you just hold on tight and stick with the ride.
The Not Knowing about, um, everything, scares the absolute crap out of me. What I need is to just let some things be. I know that there are things I couldn't change if I tried with all my heart and soul. And that's the way it should be, duh. In time I am sure things will fall in to place. In fact I'm pretty sure they're falling in to place now.
Here's to hope.
